Eleven Goals Not Based On Weight (slightly NSFW)

I've been thinking lately about my renewed resolve to ignore the scale.  I don't care to tie my view of my health to a number that's so wildly variable.  And as much as I try to focus on other markers, the feelings associated with specific numbers are insidious - I can't ever seem to forget that the proper "healthy" weight for a woman my height is somewhere around 135-142, even though I know I'm carrying a hell of a lot more muscle than average and the number's probably skewed to start with.  I don't like feeling gross when I realise that my weight is nearly the same as my 6-foot tall male friend, when I should be reminding myself of the fact that my bench press is considerably closer to that number than his is.

So the scale is out.  Problem is, it's probably the easiest marker of progress to track with any objectivity* - I can go just by how my clothes fit, but it's hard to quantify that.  Solution: come up with other goals.  I tried to make a mix of both appearance/body-based goals and ones based on awesome things I want to be able to do.  Which is of course all that matters in the end.  But I'd kind of like to look hot while doing them.  These are very roughly in reverse order of want, meaning #1 is definitely #1 but the rest are just thrown about.

11.  Have guns like Batty

...meaning not only totally beasting it, but also sporting pretty pretty tats.  If you haven't read Batty's blog, you need to go over there and do it like NOW. I yoinked this particular pic from this post, which I absolutely love and advise everyone to bookmark the page.  This is the one I used to convince a beautiful healthy teenage employee of mine that she really did not need to lose 20 lbs, nor should she ever shy away from being strong and capable for the sake of some twisted, narrow image of "beauty."  And it worked.  Yay Melbell!

10. Do a muscle-up



 Useful for climbing walls, escaping the bad guys and generally being a ninja.  Impressive as all hell.  What's not to love?

9. Get to 22% body fat
No matter what my size, I've always been proportionally bigger in the regions of T&A (the former more than the latter, but both overall).  I figure 22%, mixed with the fact that a lot of that is going to stay with Ralphie and Louie, is probably low enough to give me abs while staying totally healthy.

8. Do a cat pass/kong vault/whatever you call it


Again with the getting-away-from-bad-guys.  This one's an especial dream of mine, as it was the one move in the Fundamentals of Parkour class with Colin that I really couldn't even begin to do, reason being that my shoulder slipped out of joint the first time I tried it.  That's an ongoing problem that I'm finally taking care of - I actually got the arthrogram and MRI of my shoulder done today...which is why I'm inside writing instead of at CFD doing presses.

7. Have that line down the middle of my abs

I'm not asking for a full-on six-pack, but I think the look of this is really nice.  Plus, it's Maggie Gyllenhaal in Agent Provocateur.  No one loses here.

6. Run a 7-minute mile.  Preferably barefoot.
I've always been a distinctly "meh" runner.  Not too great at either speed (except for really, really short bursts) or distance (I doubt I've ever gone more than about 3 or 4 miles at one time, ever).  But it's useful.  And fun.  And apparently we're all designed to do it.  So yeah.

5. Have dimples of Venus

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You cannot tell me that's not hot as all hell.  Even with the plumber's crack.  Or maybe even more so because of it, depending on your taste.  Right now, I can feel where those are supposed to be but I can't quite see them yet.

4. Do a freestanding handstand

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...unless my spotter is a young, shirtless Sean Connery.

  3. Have a perfect 0.7 waist-to-hip ratio

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Simply put, it's the universal, evolutionarily-ordained marker of human feminine attractiveness.  For a bonus, try and name all the ladies shown above.  I got three.

2. Deadlift 300 lbs

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That's a hell of a lot.  Almost twice my bodyweight.   For a lady, that's pretty damn decent.  It's also an enormous number that I can brag about.

And the number one thing I'm working towards...

THIGHS THAT DON'T TOUCH!
Partly to look good.  Mostly so I can actually buy nice jeans and pants and not have my monster thighs shred the insides of them within months.  This has happened to every single pair of real pants I've ever had, and some of the stretchy ones too.  When I'm pantsless, I love my thighs and what they can do (just ask The Man, wink wink nudge nudge).  But any other time, they are literally Why We Can't Have Nice (leg-covering) Things.  And they chafe.  Ow.

And there's my list.  Hope you enjoyed it.  Comments?  What would you use for your own?

-Nelly
*since I still can't find the damn tape measure.

Eleven Things I Can't Wait To Consume Once I Finish Whole30

 So I have one more week to go before January is over, along with my first attempt at the Whole30.  Overall, I'm really happy with it.  Yes, it absolutely feels restrictive sometimes, and it's really not that fun going through the Lady Times of Grr and Arg without any chocolate whatsoever.  But I feel...good.  Really good.  Lighter, somehow.  Slightly more awake, even with the simultaneous effort to switch to decaf.  And it's not my imagination anymore, my tummy is definitely flatter and there is significantly less fluff between my skin and actual muscle.

Speaking of fluff, I tested my body fat the other day with a hand-held gadget thing of my mom's.  I had to guess at my weight, as I'm not weighing myself till February either, but I think I guessed pretty well.  The result was 20.0% body fat, which (according to the Internet, bringer of all truth and light) is on the low side (21%-30% recommended) for a "normal" healthy woman, and on the high side (10%-20%) for an "athletic" healthy woman.  Which is about what I'd expect.  I still want to get it tested professionally, but this is a fine benchmark to start from.  It's also the first item on my 101 in 1001 list that I can consider kinda-sorta-halfway done!  Go me!

But even with all the awesomeness that Whole30 is, there are still definitely some foods I dream about.  Here's the short list, with only the ones that actually make me salivate when I think about them:

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1. Turkish coffee.  Equal parts ground coffee and sugar; one tablespoon of each per cup of water, which makes two servings.  Bring to a rolling boil in a very small saucepan, then lift the pan off the stove so the boiling stops; repeat this twice more.  Pour into espresso cups, leaving behind as much of the dregs as possible.  Best when combined with animated discussion about art, philosophy or politics.  

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2. Heavy cream.  Raw, pastured heaven.  Either dribbled into the above or just sipped on its own.  Also, a big ol' glass of plain whole milk that I will chug like there's no tomorrow.  

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3. Miso soup. Nothing but miso, water, vinegar and a minced chive or two.  

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4.  Nanny's zucchini bread. Recipe to follow as soon as I make it!  

these were disappearing like crazy until I wrote that

5. The chocolate-covered cherries that The Man sent me for Christmas, which didn't make it here until right after I started Whole30 and have been sitting in the cupboard crying out to me ever since.  Yeah.  

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6.  Halava.  Pudding-style dessert made from shredded carrots cooked for a long time with honey, cream, butter, raisins, nuts and cardamom.  

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7. Greek yoghurt. With or without vanilla and a little honey.  

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8. Squash soup made with cream.  It's the bestest!  

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9. Cheese.  Brie with almond crackers, crumbled Bleu mixed into salad dressing, Vermont cheddar or Gruyere melted into soup, Wensleydale with cranberries all by itself...  

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10. BOOZE. Thick, malty beer with a head that takes up half the glass.  Woodchuck's holy-mother-of-god-wonderful pear cider.  Irish coffee (with whipped cream, of course!).  Hot cocoa with a shot of raspberry vodka.  Steaming cinnamon tea with honey and peach brandy.  A big healthy glug or two of red wine poured into beef stew, and also in a glass when I eat the stew, and also out of the bottle while I am cooking the stew.

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11. Fresh french fries from the fast food dive next door to my store, dipped in so-many-preservatives-it'll-outlast-the-cockroaches honey mustard dressing.  It's so, so gross and bad and unhealthy, and I love it.


Which is your favorite?  Think I left something out?  Let me know!


-Nelly

Eleven Things I Am Wishing For Right Now

 Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy bi-OH MY GOD I'M A QUARTER-CENTURY OLD!  Wow.  That's just craziness.

It's gonna be a pretty quiet day this time around.  The Man and I both woke up early to make our coffee and whisper sweet nothings to each other while watching the sun rise, which was pretty amazing.  Let's hope that next year we won't have to do it over the phone!  The 'rents also slipped me a nice wad of cash, along with a gift certificate for a haircut.  Gentle hint much?  (I kid; it's for a super nice salon downtown and I did express interest in exactly this).  Thank you, 'rents!

Here's my birthday breakfast: eggs, brussel sprouts, half a baby apple, macadamia nuts (these things are seriously amazing) and coffee with coconut.  And the funnies.  Couldn't get much better.

However, if it could get better, these are the things that would make it so.

1. A Cuisinart!  Yes, I'm pretty good at the chopping and dicing and all that (being literally a pro), but it gets tiring.  And you try making macadamia nut butter by hand!

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2. A Handful bra.  I'm not even sure it would contain my mammaries of insanity, but they are just so cute!  They don't make them in bright blue, so I'd have to go with the pink.

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3. Closet space.  Just look at these.  UNF.  LUST.  Someday...

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4. This house.

5. Or this one.  I'm not terribly picky.

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6. A backyard flock of chickens!

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7. An all-expenses-paid (including lost income, babysitters, maids, etc) trip for The Man and myself to rural Italy to live on an old but well-established farmstead for a month screw that, if I'm just wishing I'm gonna say indefinitely!

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8. Barring that, the time and funds to take two weeks and road trip it over to Cali and check out the wine country.  Almost as good, right?

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9. Every single flavor of Taza Chocolate Mexicano.  I haven't even tasted any of it yet but just looking at the site made my mouth water.

10. Everything in this song:

11. Also, just because: PONY!

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-Nelly