Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Project Fear Less: A few things

I told my landlord that I'm moving out.  There's a list of reasons:

  • Two car break-ins, with smashed car windows and stuff (GPS and then road emergency kit) stolen in the past three months.
  • Car ransacked and left with the doors open when I left it unlocked so it wouldn't get smashed again.  I should have expected that one but I'm really lucky the battery wasn't drained.
  • Huge pile of branches and brush that the landlords had cut down and piled on my side of the yard, spilling over into the street and my normal parking lot, without letting me know.  And it's been there for a week and a half.
  • Leaky roof, but that's not the problem.  The problem is that when I called them up and told them about it (and how it was leaving puddles near large electrical appliances), they made me feel really guilty for calling, then emailed later and said they'd fixed it...but it's become apparent that it was either a pretty half-assed job or they didn't do anything.
  • Huge house fire (as in flames OVER the trees) about a block from where I live, a few days ago.  This obviously isn't something that the landlords can fix or I could try to plan for, but it feels like the universe is dropping for pretty heavy hints in my lap.
There are also soft spots in the floor and ceiling and hookers right around the corner.  It's not the best place to be, all things considered

But it's still pretty scary to make it real.  I have a deadline to leave (admittedly a generous one), but I need to find a new place and pay for it and pack everything up and transport it over and unpack it again and build a couch because the one I have now came with my current place...actually, that's one of the fun parts.  And also having doors on rooms, that'll be a good part too.  And being able to put up all my pretty artwork as I was hesitant to do before because it might get burgled away from me.  Ok, so this is overall a good thing.  It still got the butterflies going to actually send the email, though

I emailed that one dude who tried to teach me some ape stuff way back when in order to thank him for unknowingly motivating me to do this whole project.  This is scary because I don't normally talk to people who don't talk to me first, even in text on a screen.  I also don't usually tell people when I think they're awesome because I think it'll seem like fawning.  Especially guys, because then I'm afraid it'll seem like flirting.  I'm actually afraid to flirt.  On the one hand, you get rejection, and the other, it actually works, which is even scarier.  Anyways.  Sean, if you're reading this, feel lucky.  The only other person to get a fan letter from me was Sting when I was 14.

I asked Colin to teach me, at some point in the course of my martial arts/self-defense classes with him, some techniques to counter the type of moves that I, as a woman, am more likely to have to deal with - namely, getting grabbed and/or backed up against a wall, to start with.  THIS IS TERRIFYING.  The moves themselves aren't all that different from what we've covered already, but the psychological side of it gets me tense and shaking after literally only a few seconds with my back to the wall.  In opposition to moving around in an open area and sparring, it feels like there is no place to turn.  Colin demonstrated that there are in fact quite a few different places to turn (in particular, towards the wall while you grab their head), and I'm committed to learning these well enough to (gods forbid) actually be able to use them if I ever needed to.  It hits quite a nerve, though.

Also, here is a picture of a box full of kittens:

Goodnight, internets.



  1. Nelly, I'm sorry you're going through this; imagine how much less stress you will have once you've moved to less sketchy digs! RE. Furniture: Get on the Durham or Wake Freecycle lists; you will be amazed by the number of things, including very solid, usable furniture that folks are happy to part with just for the cost of driving over and picking it up. As an added bonus, you'll be able to post things you're finished using and give others the opportunity to fill a need. Hang in there!


    1. Thanks, SGM! I hadn't even thought about Freecycle, but I'm totally signing up for that! And once I'm moved, you need to come visit my beautiful new place and pet my kittens and drink happy milk kefir :)

    2. looking forward to it!

  2. GTFO of there, woman. I'll help you schlep shit.

    1. I am; already found a place I like and waiting to hear back from the agent about what we do now. Once I get the ok and everything ready to go, I might just throw a moving party and give everyone who helps delicious food and beer.